Back inside, the lodge fire crackling like it's auditioning for a Warren Miller film, some guy in a one-piece neon jumpsuit points at me and just says "respect." Doesn't even know my name. Doesn't need to.
The bartender's still watching me from across the room like I owe him a story. I don't. The glasses tell the story for me.
Someone's playing foosball in the corner and the sound of it syncs up perfectly with the beat of "Take On Me," which starts now, unprompted, because apparently the Sunsetters come with their own internal jukebox that only plays bangers recorded before 1989.
I catch my reflection in the window. Mirrored lenses throwing back the whole apres-ski scene in miniature — fireplace, jumpsuit guy, a dog wearing a bandana for some reason. I look like the cover of a VHS tape nobody rented but everybody remembers.
A woman in leg warmers asks if I'm "new here." I am not. I have never felt more like I belong anywhere in my life.
Somebody hands me nachos. I didn't order those either. The glasses are handling logistics now.
Slipped on The Sunsetter glasses and immediately felt like I’d time-traveled back to the golden age of après-ski. When mullets flowed, neon ruled, and “stretch pants” meant business.
The moment I put them on, Wham!’s “Club Tropicana” started playing in my head and suddenly I was walking through the lodge in slow motion, ski boots clomping like a hero entering the final act of an ‘80s ski movie. The bartender didn’t even ask for my order, he just handed me a hot toddy and nodded respectfully.
Out on the slopes, the sunset hit the mirrored lenses just right, turning me into a glowing beacon of pure retro confidence. I swear a ski patrol guy saluted as I carved past him in full send mode. Visibility? Perfect. Style points? Off the chart. Ego? Astronomical.